“And Mary kept within herself all these things, weighing and pondering them in her heart.”
Luke 2:19
This simple image struck me profoundly over the holidays, and I haven’t been able to get Mary out of my head… sweet little Mary, her entire life turned upside-down in a matter of months, from Gabriel’s appearance and her humble surrender to God’s will (“Behold, I am the bondslave of the Lord… let it be done to me according to your word”) to her delivery, to the surprise visitors that kept bringing prophetic words about her baby boy.
And I picture her holding her newborn after all of this craziness, an exhausted young girl sitting by a window alone like I so often do, eyes fixed somewhere past the distance, just soaking in the words of the shepherds and the angels and slowly, silently submitting to the mysterious ways of God.
Mary’s pondering spirit challenged me to do a lot of pondering myself. During Christmas, I spent lots of time pondering God’s work in me in 2011…the things He spoke to me, the lessons He taught me, the gifts He gave me. Have you thought lately about how far God’s brought you? Have you worshipped Him for His faithfulness?
So, from here, nothing I have to say really goes together, at least not on purpose. I wanted to have a theme like I usually do, but I’m over that. There’s too much going on in my head. So I hope my recent ponderings end up kind of like a boudin ball for you (something we eat inLouisiana) – random ingredients that combine to create a tasty surprise in your mouth. :)
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Psalm 103: 4 “…who redeems your life from the pit…who beautifies you with loving-kindness and tender mercy.”
Beautiful because He loves me. I’ve heard it said that “you can always tell a well-loved woman when you see one”. So what a profound truth- that my beauty comes from being a well-loved woman… adorned from head to toe with the steadfast love and tender mercy of my God. My own goodness, kindness, unique personality, or popularity with people isn’t the source of what makes me beautiful. It’s the FACT that I am well-loved, fully forgiven, daily sustained by mercy from the God of the universe… that casts that golden glow of beauty around me and fills me with confidence and value and worth… that frees me from the fear of rejection. I want to shine beautiful as a woman who has been truly, deeply, permanently affected by love and mercy.
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Trusting God’s best for me as it’s imparted through my man’s leadership. One morning recently I was about to write a prayer in my journal for God to change Patrick’s heart about something rather meaningless in the eternal realm, when the Holy Spirit spoke to me, “Why don’t you pray for a submissive heart that trusts that his leadership is ordained by God in your life?” Ouch. I almost laughed out loud… because the Holy Spirit is just so awesome. He’s quicker than my hand getting pencil to paper. I never want to stop listening for Him… I never want Him to stop speaking to me. I’m hungry for His discipline.
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God’s patience with me. The patience of my family has taught me about the patience of the Father. Sure, my husband’s got that impatience directly related to his stomach (I’ve created and often diagnose a syndrome that all men experience when they’re hungry… I’ll explain it another day), but he’s got incredible patience with my weaknesses, I think because he loves me so deeply. Speaking of a specific sin of mine, I recently asked “How long have you seen this in me?” and his reply was expected… “for as long as I’ve known you”. Well, God’s known me a lot longer than Patrick has, and somehow He still hasn’t turned over the dumpster of my unconfessed and unknown sins on top of my head. It would ruin me. Destroy me. My mom and I recently had a similar conversation. Like Patrick and Mom each waited for the right time when my heart was soft to receive the truth, God has and is growing me patiently, disciplining me with a loving timeliness I am only now beginning to realize. Oh, how I love You, Abba Father!!!
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To die is to live. Most importantly, the Lord is teaching me to lay my life down. How to die to self, so I can truly live (Christ’s Life). How to give up on making sure I’m loved, and just love. To bury the desire to be known, and reach out to know and understand others. To throw off the chains of self-protection, self-analysis, and self-judgment and keep my focus on Jesus, because WHO HE IS matters infinitely more than who I am or who anybody thinks I am. Much more to come on this topic.
In addition to writing more about “To die is to live”, below are the titles of my upcoming blog posts in 2012. Thanks for bearing with me. I hope to get back in the swing of writing consistently!
The great Commission according to HIS Compassion, not mine.
Don’t let the sun go down upon your…conflict?
Titus 2 is a big deal, actually
Learning from Jesus: “He kept entrusting Himself”
Thanks IN everything.
Autumn: Fighting physical battles with spiritual weapons
Thanks for being so open and honest, Molly. It’s always a blessing, whether in music or in writing, to hear how the Lord is conforming you into His image. Every time I get to see you, it is evident that you have been with the Father in the way that you are so willing to pour out grace upon others’ lives in your word and deed. I know it is only because He has poured out his mercy and grace upon you that you are able to do so. Praise God for teaching us how to live and share life with others in our daily walk! I look forward to reading more of what the Lord is doing in your life.
I thoroughly enjoyed this tasty boudain ball. I particularly appreciated the “beautiful because He loves me” ingredient. Mmm mmm good!!