I cried myself to sleep the other night thinking about God’s love for me, after Patrick read Romans 8:38 to me and I curled up in that truth that nothing, not even I, can separate myself from God’s love.
This Autumn, I am learning to wage war on my memory.
Though I love Autumn more than any other season, Autumn is a time when many memories flood the air around me, bringing a silent, choking sadness and loneliness that has begun to look like a pattern in my life.
I can’t explain why it’s during Autumn that I so often look back.
…but a few mornings ago, the Lord said this to me:
“Molly, linger in the past ONLY if you’re going there to linger in My faithfulness.”
“But, Lord! I want to know why this happened… how I got to that place and did those things… If I can’t change it, I at least want to understand it…“
“Philippians 3:12-13: Not that you’ve already attained to this or been made perfect, but you must press on to lay hold of and make your own that for which Jesus Christ has laid hold of you and made you His own. One thing you must do, Molly: FORGET what lies behind, and STRAIN FORWARD to what lies ahead.”
And as I was feeling like this commandment to “forget the past” was too merciful and impossible for me and all I’ve done and been, I realized that the precious man writing that verse in Philippians surely had quite a few nightmarish Autumns of his own. Waking up from horror dreams of himself slaughtering people… Christ-mocking phrases he coined screaming in his mind… glares and head shakes and whispers and slanderous insults of the people who would never let him forget his former identity….
And this same man, who spoke of the Accuser of his soul and knew that mines of shame and accusation were being planted as explosives in his footpath, tells me in 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 that
…”though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.”
We have to believe that God tells us to forget what lies behind because He is a good Father and He knows it’s best for us. We have to put on our divinely powerful armor of faith and salvation and righteousness and Truth and take the memories captive, unto the obedience of Jesus Christ, who defeated death and condemnation and judgment on the Cross.
So …. even when it’s hard to just leave unanswered questions and unexplained events in the ocean of forgiveness, we must choose to wage war on fortresses that are just disguised memories, and “linger only in the past if we’re going there to linger in God’s faithfulness”….. for
the Lord, our God, the ‘Great I Am’ possesses the past, present, and future, and every Autumn in all its beauty belongs to Him.
This is great, Molly
Wise, wise words, my girl. Lot’s wife looked back, too… I wonder if she just wanted to think about her home, her garden, the friends she had and lock them in her memory… or if she was already longing for the life she was losing… either way, she wasn’t believing and trusting, was she? It can be SOOOOO hard to live with failure and regrets and grasp that, in spite of our own flesh, in Him we are victorious and conquerors. That is the very heart of my desire at this point in life: to be victorious in the Lord. You are more precious than all the bazillions of stars I saw in the sky last night as I looked at the Milky Way and marveled at the greatness of our God. I love you! xoxox
Molly–thank you for your wonderful words, that remind me how much my awesome God loves me and forgives me! It is a terrific message to remember for us all, because we all sin and fall short. Love you, dear girl!
Amen. Our outlook on life would be vastly improved if we looked at our entire lives from the standpoint of God’s faithfulness!! Thank you for your insight!!