A boudin ball of ponderings

“And Mary kept within herself all these things, weighing and pondering them in her heart.” 

 

Luke 2:19

 

This simple image struck me profoundly over the holidays, and I haven’t been able to get Mary out of my head… sweet little Mary, her entire life turned upside-down in a matter of months, from Gabriel’s appearance and her humble surrender to God’s will (“Behold, I am the bondslave of the Lord… let it be done to me according to your word”) to her delivery, to the surprise visitors that kept bringing prophetic words about her baby boy.

 

And I picture her holding her newborn after all of this craziness, an exhausted young girl sitting by a window alone like I so often do, eyes fixed somewhere past the distance, just soaking in the words of the shepherds and the angels and slowly, silently submitting to the mysterious ways of God.

 

Mary’s pondering spirit challenged me to do a lot of pondering myself.  During Christmas, I spent lots of time pondering God’s work in me in 2011…the things He spoke to me, the lessons He taught me, the gifts He gave me.  Have you thought lately about how far God’s brought you?  Have you worshipped Him for His faithfulness?

 

So, from here, nothing I have to say really goes together, at least not on purpose.  I wanted to have a theme like I usually do, but I’m over that.  There’s too much going on in my head.  So I hope my recent ponderings end up kind of like a boudin ball for you (something we eat inLouisiana) – random ingredients that combine to create a tasty surprise in your mouth.  :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Psalm 103: 4     “…who redeems your life from the pit…who beautifies you with  loving-kindness and tender mercy.”

Beautiful because He loves me.  I’ve heard it said that “you can always tell a well-loved woman when you see one”.  So what a profound truth- that my beauty comes from being a well-loved woman… adorned from head to toe with the steadfast love and tender mercy of my God.  My own goodness, kindness, unique personality, or popularity with people isn’t the source of what makes me beautiful.  It’s the FACT that I am well-loved, fully forgiven, daily sustained by mercy from the God of the universe… that casts that golden glow of beauty around me and fills me with confidence and value and worth… that frees me from the fear of rejection.  I want to shine beautiful as a woman who has been truly, deeply, permanently affected by love and mercy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Trusting God’s best for me as it’s imparted through my man’s leadership. One morning recently I was about to write a prayer in my journal for God to change Patrick’s heart about something rather meaningless in the eternal realm, when the Holy Spirit spoke to me, “Why don’t you pray for a submissive heart that trusts that his leadership is ordained by God in your life?”  Ouch.  I almost laughed out loud… because the Holy Spirit is just so awesome.  He’s quicker than my hand getting pencil to paper.  I never want to stop listening for Him… I never want Him to stop speaking to me.  I’m hungry for His discipline.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

God’s patience with me. The patience of my family has taught me about the patience of the Father.  Sure, my husband’s got that impatience directly related to his stomach (I’ve created and often diagnose a syndrome that all men experience when they’re hungry… I’ll explain it another day), but he’s got incredible patience with my weaknesses, I think because he loves me so deeply.  Speaking of a specific sin of mine, I recently asked “How long have you seen this in me?” and his reply was expected… “for as long as I’ve known you”.  Well, God’s known me a lot longer than Patrick has, and somehow He still hasn’t turned over the dumpster of my unconfessed and unknown sins on top of my head.  It would ruin me.  Destroy me.  My mom and I recently had a similar conversation.  Like Patrick and Mom each waited for the right time when my heart was soft to receive the truth, God has and is growing me patiently, disciplining me with a loving timeliness I am only now beginning to realize.  Oh, how I love You, Abba Father!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

To die is to live.  Most importantly, the Lord is teaching me to lay my life down.  How to die to self, so I can truly live (Christ’s Life).  How to give up on making sure I’m loved, and just love.  To bury the desire to be known, and reach out to know and understand others.  To throw off the chains of self-protection, self-analysis, and self-judgment and keep my focus on Jesus, because WHO HE IS matters infinitely more than who I am or who anybody thinks I am.  Much more to come on this topic.

 

 

In addition to writing more about “To die is to live”, below are the titles of my upcoming blog posts in 2012.  Thanks for bearing with me.  I hope to get back in the swing of writing consistently!

 

The great Commission according to HIS Compassion, not mine. 

Don’t let the sun go down upon your…conflict?

 

Titus 2 is a big deal, actually

 

Learning from Jesus: “He kept entrusting Himself”

 

Thanks IN everything.

 

Autumn: Fighting physical battles with spiritual weapons

“New” — a little poem

“Behold! I make all things new.” Revelation 21:5

Written in Albuquerque, New Mexico.  Dedicated to my brother Nick.

 

 

 

Three new things today – new as a baby finding his fingers

I spit into the green and I see my spit link leaf to leaf,

like silk spinning, it stays strong through breeze-blown minutes

a moment of First

swaying, shimmering, silky spit string

I receive what is new and I smile

 

A distant trumpeting moments later, but music unfamiliar!

A swelling clucking chorus

I search the sky and I see geese encircling

singing with strange tongues over me, who is

so weary for hope, so untrusting of this moment’s newness

But it’s true- their singing is a second simple promise that there is still hope

So I receive what is new and I bow low

 

Tears spill over gravel and leaves, my own salt mixing with the dirt of the earth and

I believe in Name-changing, altar-erecting

I remember a veil torn, a final lamb, a promise from a burning bush

“I Am who I Am”.

 

See, nothing of hope is ever finished, with You.

I cannot meet You in the past.

You are not “I Was”.

 

You are “I Am” and I find You

I meet You-  can only meet You- here, where everything is new

I receive all that is new, and I am healing

 

 

 

A vortex of amazing energy…

….a “vortex of amazing energy”, as she put it, was part of a woman’s recent description to me of Sedona, Arizona.  She had just returned from a vacation to Sedona, and had the entire table of listeners mesmerized by her tales of the red rock, the fiery skies, the tarot card and palm readers and meditation everywhere, and the way everyone in that city was so vibrant and alive and full….so “mystical”…”well…it was just, like, this vortex of amazing energy”.

 

And I couldn’t help staring off across the living room, imagining this city known for its specialized New Age tourist industry, where the “Harmonic Convergence” was organized in 1987, where the spirit of mysticism and divination draws tourists from all over the world, and wondering what on earth would happen if all the Believers in a city were so controlled…so surrendered to…even possessed (yes, in the real sense of the word )… by the Holy Spirit of the Living God….  if it would be such a radically real Presence in and around them that a visitor to the city would describe the strange feeling to their friends back home.

 

Or on a smaller scale, what would happen if a family, or a group of friends, or a team of coworkers were all so committed to practicing the Presence of God, that their strong, banded-together “energy”, which Paul described as a “sweet aroma of the knowledge of God in every place” (2 corinthians 2:14) would be felt and recognized by the world around??

 

I think her word choice ( “vortex (n): a whirling mass, usually of water, smoke, fire, etc.”) was excellent.  Isn’t it interesting how spiritual things like giving in secret and love and peacemaking and compassion and forgiveness so often set in motion a whirling cycle?

 

I long for my family, present and future, and for my church and for my friend group to be a vortex of the felt-Presence of God.

 

But here’s the problem: A vortex is a whirling mass going in the same direction, like a tornado.  It’s not divided and confused and whirling out of control.  It’s not working against itself.  You and me and all God’s kids are sometimes very divided and confused and working against the force of glorious Calvary Love that spreads through our unity.  We can get all mixed up in drama and gossip and judgment and unforgiveness and criticism and thoughts and conversations that preserve self rather than crucify it.

 

The world is too hell-bound and hell is too horrible for us to foolishly weaken our own army.  We need to be “diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:3) and “as far as it depends on us, live at peace with each other” (Romans 12:18)  and “reap the fruit of righteousness by sowing the seed of peace” (James 3:18).  Tonight when you lie in bed, are you at peace with everyone in your life?  I don’t mean to ask if every relationship is conflict-free, but I mean to ask if you have done everything to make and maintain peace (Matthew 5:9)?  I ask this question of myself many nights and it’s not easy, but it’s what God wants.

 

It’s pretty straight-forward.  Are you aware of any offense a brother or sister in Christ might have against you, whether they’re right or wrong?  If they’re offended and you know it, God cares SO much about peace that He says “even if you’re presenting an offering at the altar, if you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there at the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering” (Matthew 5:23-24).  God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble. (James 4:6)

 

Are you offended by a brother or sister in Christ? You have two tasks, and the Holy Spirit will always help us carry them out and give us wisdom when we ask Him for it!  ”If your brother wrongs you, go and show him his fault, between you and him privately.  If he listens to you, you have won back your brother” (Matthew 18:15) and ALWAYS forgive, because “If you forgive others their sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” (Matthew 5: 14)

 

My heart cries to yours, beloved friends, to stand as peacemakers in your own homes and families and friend groups and church groups, so the desperate world around us might experience Calvary Love.  It will only be felt on the outside when a vortex starts spinning from within.

Good morning, Gratitude

Oh, the JOYof a new journal!   The beauty of fresh, clean, empty pages!  The challenge and excitement of knowing that this unwritten future will become written history, with each prayer, memory, dream, drawing, and moment I record.

 

Thank You, Lord, for the joy I feel in my heart lately…and I don’t feel guilty for having it.  I might just be the most happy girl on Earth, actually.    Thank You for teaching me that GRATITUDE expels… extinguishes… excludes… discontentment.   Thank You for lifting my eyes to the Cross this Autumn, for helping me rejoice in my Salvation, among many other blessings.

 

Thank You for telling me the way to enter into Your presence… for showing me the posture I must have.

 

“Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, enter His gates with praise!!!  Be thankful, and say so to Him.  Bless and affectionately praise His name!”   Psalm 100:4 (the amplified Bible)

 

I am thankful for this perfect combination:  the perfect strength of coffee, sipped in the perfect cozy chair, which is positioned in the perfect spot by a window that lets in the perfect amount of natural light for me to read and meditate on Scripture by… a window which is cracked, letting in fresh air that happens to be the perfect temperature.

 

Then I whisper a prayer of thanks to my Father, who I really think might have created that moment in time JUST for me.  because He loves me.

 

And I watch my husband wake up, who is not a perfect man, but who is perfect for ME.  who loves me just exactly as I am, and tells me that every day, often multiple times a day.  and I get the privilege of whispering prayers for Him as he wakes up… and I am so thankful.

 

And I am loving Romans– reading about how I’ve been freed from bondage to sin and am now under the Law of Life!–, when all of a sudden I have to put my Bible down, because my husband is pulling me out of my cozy chair and into his lap… he is burying my head in his chest so he can cuddle me as time stops around us, because we just nestle up together in the best kind of loving, understanding silence.   And I am thankful to be loved so honestly and tenderly.

 

And after what feels like forever in our little cocoon, his voice right next to my cheek breaks the silence, as he pours out quiet prayers for me… for our marriage and future family… for our friends… for God’s glory to be manifest in and through our lives…prayers from one who is thankful to be called a “son” of the Most High God.  And as his prayers fill the room, enclosing me in a blanket of comfort and trust, I am thankful that Christ is the third cord Who will always hold us together.

 

And I’m thankful that a friend inspired my new journal’s theme: gratitude.  Every day, I will write at least one thing that stirs up gratitude in my heart.  And it will help me to remember that first thing in the morning, this is how I am to greet my God… with gratitude and praise and blessings.

 

Are you sad?  Are you troubled?  Are you discontent?    Right now, after you read this blog, open yourself to God and begin to thank Him for things He’s done for you, for blessings, for His presence, your salvation… and the Spirit will help you think of many more things.   There is no better recipe for JOY than this…. a grateful heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Waging war on Memory

I cried myself to sleep the other night thinking about God’s love for me, after Patrick read Romans 8:38 to me and I curled up in that truth that nothing, not even I, can separate myself from God’s love.

 

This Autumn, I am learning to wage war on my memory.

 

Though I love Autumn more than any other season, Autumn is a time when many memories flood the air around me, bringing a silent, choking sadness and loneliness that has begun to look like a pattern in my life.

 

I can’t explain why it’s during Autumn that I so often look back.

 

…but a few mornings ago, the Lord said this to me:

 

“Molly, linger in the past ONLY if you’re going there to linger in My faithfulness.”

 

“But, Lord! I want to know why this happened… how I got to that place and did those things… If I can’t change it, I at least want to understand it…“

 

“Philippians 3:12-13: Not that you’ve already attained to this or been made perfect, but you must press on to lay hold of and make your own that for which Jesus Christ has laid hold of you and made you His own.  One thing you must do, Molly: FORGET what lies behind, and STRAIN FORWARD to what lies ahead.”

 

And as I was feeling like this commandment to “forget the past” was too merciful and impossible for me and all I’ve done and been, I realized that the precious man writing that verse in Philippians surely had quite a few nightmarish Autumns of his own.  Waking up from  horror dreams of himself slaughtering people… Christ-mocking phrases he coined screaming in his mind… glares and head shakes and whispers and slanderous insults of the people who would never let him forget his former identity….

 

And this same man, who spoke of the Accuser of his soul and knew that mines of shame and accusation were being planted as explosives in his footpath, tells me in 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 that

 

…”though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh.  For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.  We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.”

 

We have to believe that God tells us to forget what lies behind because He is a good Father and He knows it’s best for us.  We have to put on our divinely powerful armor of  faith and salvation and righteousness and Truth and take the memories captive, unto the obedience of Jesus Christ, who defeated death and condemnation and judgment on the Cross.

So …. even when it’s hard to just leave unanswered questions and unexplained events in the ocean of forgiveness, we must choose to wage war on fortresses that are just disguised memories, and “linger only in the past if we’re going there to linger in God’s faithfulness”….. for

 

the Lord, our God, the ‘Great I Am’ possesses the past, present, and future, and every Autumn in all its beauty belongs to Him.

He who has ears to hear, let him hear

I want to hear God’s voice.  To not just call Him God, but to feel His Fatherness…His tender voice, speaking personally and privately to me.  I read Psalm 29-about the voice of the Lord-, and the little girl inside of me with childlike faith believes that I can hear that voice…. it’s not just a psalm- it’s a description of My father.

Jesus said that His sheep would hear His voice, and they would follow Him, because they would recognize that voice of His as being their Shepherd’s.   (John 10)

plus… God said He would withhold no good thing from His children who walk uprightly.  (Ps. 84:11)

…and He “waits on High to have compassion on us… and longs to be gracious to us” (Isaiah 30).

So…with a God who says stuff like that, why don’t we hear Him?  I’ve been asking the Lord this question and here’s what He’s showing me.

Our ears are clogged.

Jesus said over and over again, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear!”.  I’m not very scientific (just ask about my candlemaking experience thusfar!), but I do know that a human only has so much input capacity.  I have my own listening faults (I have a husband who endures them), and I spend time regularly talking to distracted listeners.

Our generation is so busy, so fast, so “time-efficient”, so “PLUGGED-IN”, so connected.  I will write more on this topic, but for now- here’s the question:

Where is the room I am making in my ears-my mind, emotions, time- to hear Him, if He were to speak?  Where is the silence?

And doesn’t it all start with faith that believes He will? Faith of a little CHILD, at that?  Just like we must receive God’s Word by faith and obey it, trusting that it’ll produce good things in our lives, we must hear God’s voice and receive it by faith, and act on it.  It will always be consistent with His Word.  Maybe one problem is that we don’t know His Word well enough- and  knowing His Word is the first and easiest step to learning to recognize His voice.

The Spirit is how we hear. We, the children of God, are no longer to walk in the flesh but to walk in the Spirit.   God speaks to us through the vehicle of His Spirit, which testifies to our spirit that we are His children. (Romans 8).  In addition to making ROOM by unclogging our ears with emotional, mental, and physical distractions that take up the space,  and to listening by FAITH, God wants us to be spiritually sensitive people.

How do we become sensitive to the Spirit?  Well again, I think it can start by becoming sensitive to the things the Spirit has ALREADY, DEFINITELY spoken to us, through the Word of God!!  Taking on the trusting disposition of a little child, we must let God’s Word take deep root in our heart, directing our course of actions, and changing our thinking processes.  As we learn how to stop and meditate on a Scripture in the middle of busy, daily moments, and respond to those Scriptures with obedience, we are training our spirits to think and respond spiritually to things.

 

I have heard the Spirit’s voice the VERY most while reading God’s Word.  And usually I will stop the moment I hear Him speaking directly to me through a scripture, and I’ll take it seriously.  I’ll say, “Ok, Lord.  I will linger here on this passage for a while.  Show me the places in my life that need to be changed by this truth.  Show me how to pray.”  And He ALWAYS does!!!  He rewards faith, my friends.

If you hear Him calling you to come sit with Him for a while and you obey, your are training your spirit to be more sensitive to the next time He speaks to you!  Stop whatever you’re doing and go spend time with Him!

 

I have often received the Lord’s discipline through His Word.  Sometimes I will break down and cry, as though my Father is cupping my face in His own hands, looking at me full in the eyes with love, and rebuking me gently.  But I promise, if you can train your spirit to receive by faith the Father’s voice of discipline in His Word, you will start to hear it all the time in day-to-day life… and it will be a wonderful part of your relationship with Him.

 

There is no corner of your life the Father won’t speak into.  The more I’ve learned to recognize His voice, the more bold of a childlike asker I’m becoming!  Recently I’ve been making lists of creative ideas I have, and saying “Father, would you help me to prioritize my time?  What should I work on first?  I want to glorify You with my creativity!”  And He has been so faithful to answer… to guide me… to help me prioritize my creative endeavors.

 

This is our Father!!!  Oh, how He would pour out wisdom and wonderful things if we’d just get some of those subtle but mind-filling and time-gobbling distractions out of our way, and open our ears to Him.  If we would just believe that His Word is our source of Life, and come to it for breath and water.  If we would just say “yes” to His voice in our spirits, when we read His Word and when His spirit prompts us to do or say something.   What a God, who delights enough in us to speak to us!!! Oh, may we have ears to hear!

 

Why we have HOPE: our High Priest

A wonderful Truth flooded me the other night as I was praying with a woman (let’s call her Lynn) whose situation in life seemed absolutely hopeless.

I met Lynn after a concert and for over an hour, tears wouldn’t stop pouring out of what seemed like a bottomless storage of pain inside of her.  Because of my specific family background and experiences, I had understanding of some of her pain and brokenness, and began to pray over her…

…but I’ll be honest. My prayers to Almighty God were clouded by feelings of desperation rather than hope.

…until the Holy Spirit interrupted my doubting prayers with this assurance:

“I endured all of the same suffering.  I understand.”   And I remembered Jesus.

 Jesus, who…

“had to be made like His brethren in all things, so that He might become a merciful and faithful High Priest in all things pertaining to God, for since He Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted…” (Hebrews 2:18)

Jesus, who…

“can sympathize with our weakness, who was tempted in all things and yet without sin, so that we can draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we can receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need…” (Heb 4:15-16)

Jesus, who as a High Priest…

“can deal gently with the ignorant and misguided, since he Himself is also subject to weakness…” (Heb 5:2)

And all of a sudden, a fresh shower of hope for Lynn fell down and filled my prayers, as I believed that Jesus had really suffered the same things, had endured them, had conquered them, and was now on her side, fighting as her Advocate with mercy and help.

In that moment, I really believed that she didn’t have to lose the battle.

All those Scriptures I just mentioned are promises referred to as “hope”… and Hebrews 6:18 goes on to explain that

“…this hope is an anchor of the soul, a hope sure and steadfast, and one which enters within the veil, where Jesus has entered as a forerunner for us, having become a high priest forever!…”

This kind of hope- a hope that believes all is not lost even when it seems like it- pushes through the outer foyer of the temple into the very Holy of Holies, up to the very mercy seat of God, because it’s a hope that believes that Jesus has gone through it already.

One of Satan’s great schemes is to convince us we’re alone in our suffering.  I don’t know why he tries so hard to convince us of that lie, but he does.  Maybe it’s because he wants to demolish this “hope” of Hebrews… the hope that calls upon a High Priest.  His lie contradicts the truth, though.

The truth:  Whatever you are suffering through- from a broken heart over something in your marriage, to temptations toward the darkest evil, to a stubbed toe or day of hormonally imbalanced emotions, Jesus has already suffered what we’re suffering (and ENDURED!), has already entered the Holy of Holies before us, gone straight to the mercy seat of God, and is interceding to God on our behalf!  

You are NOT alone, contrary to Satan’s lies! You are NOT left without hope!  Next time you’re crying out to God amidst suffering, don’t forget to remember Jesus, your Faithful High Priest. 

Celebrating wifehood: we’re in the construction business.

Ah, it’s been a long time since I wrote!  Between you and me, I have definitely longed to share so many thoughts, lessons, and insights God has given me over the last few months, but the Lord has led me to wait for a while, teaching me that it’s better to sit at His feet and learn from Him, letting seeds of truth take deep root in my own life, before I immediately regurgitate the lessons for others to read.  It’s been hard not to write, but obedience is often hard.  :)

 

So, today is the day I look forward to a special little treat six months out of the year… it is the 31^st! That means that part of my daily Bible reading is Proverbs 31! 

 

If you haven’t yet today, I encourage you to grab your Bible right now and read the “description of a worthy woman”, found in Proverbs 31… then I’ll ask this question:

 

Do you realize that the characteristics of this amazing woman in Proverbs 31 are never once contingent upon anything her husband is or isn’t doing, or being?   In fact, her husband is only mentioned three times, and each reference is only a result of an action the woman has taken.

 

31:11  “the heart of her husband trusts in her…”

31:23  “…her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land…”

31:28  “her husband…praises her, saying…”

 

I believe that ANY WOMAN— no matter what kind of personality your husband has, or what his struggles or strengths are, or how involved or uninvolved in your life he is, or how obedient or disobedient he is being to the Lord, no matter who he is— I believe that the WOMAN of the house has the potential to be an excellent wife, as unto the Lord, because she fears Him! (Prov. 31:30)  

 

This realization is weighty, but freeing.    

We wives/moms/women must never, but also, never have to, base our obedience to God upon what anyone else is or isn’t doing! …this even goes for women with an unbelieving or unloving husband.   At the end of the day, when the Lord looks upon our heart, He will see whether or not we have chosen to “fear Him” above all else, and His Word tells us that the “woman who fears the Lord shall be praised.  Give her the fruit of her hands…” (not the fruit of ANYONE ELSE’s hands or actions), and let her works praise her in the gates.” (Prov. 31:30-31)

 

It’s a sobering thought to realize that IT’S MY CHOICE at every moment to obey or disobey the Lord with my thoughts, emotions, responses, facial expression, tone of voice, words, attitudes…

 

Praise God that in His justice, He deals with our hearts alone!  His gentle, personalized system of justice eliminates our ability to cast blame anywhere but our very own hearts.

 

Will you choose to be this woman today, by surrendering to the power of the Holy Spirit who is alive in you?  You, the woman, have been given the charge and the power to “build your house!”   Anyone who thinks wifehood is for the lazy, spiritually needy, subservient follower has never apprehended the weight of the construction business.  

 

“The wise woman builds her house,

but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.”

Proverbs 14:1

Living life on an ever-burning altar

Leviticus has touched some deep places in my life over the past month, and the first I believe I should share with you is this perpetual self-sacrifice that God requires of us, his beloved children.  Let’s start with His heart in the Old Testament and see that it’s the exact same in the New Testament.

 

After the first several chapters of Leviticus take us through the very specific and detailed laws of Grain offerings, the laws of Peace offerings, the laws of Sin offerings, and the laws of Guilt offerings… even placing great emphasis on the heart condition of the ones making the sacrifices…….

 

… after all of this instruction, right when you’d think that God would give His people a break, my God takes the command to an even deeper level and tells the priesthood three times in a row: “The fire upon the altar shall be kept burning on it… it shall not go out.”  (chapter 6:9, 12, 13)  If Aaron the priest had any prior notions that he could treat his sacrifices like boxes to check off, too bad for Aaron.  In Leviticus 6, God turns this sacrifice thing from a mere morning and evening ritual into a 24/7 lifestyle.  The fire isn’t allowed to EVER burn out.       

 

The Holy Spirit spoke to me through this—He said that even more important than the very important instructions for how to offer the sacrifices, the Lord God desires that we KEEP THE FIRE GOING on our heart’s altar always, EVER-READY to offer up anything to Him.

 

For we are “a royal priesthood” unto God (1 Peter 2:9) and this instruction is for us…. today.

 

In Romans 12:1-2, God again calls us to live upon an ever-burning altar.  “Make a decisive dedication of your bodies(presenting all your members and faculties) as a LIVING SACRIFICE, holy devoted, consecrated and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable service and spiritual worship.”

 

A sacrifice doesn’t sit up and hop off the altar.  It stays where the priest puts it, right in the all-consuming fire of God, to be purified and consecrated.  The only difference with us, is that our life isn’t a one-time sacrifice that burns until we’re dead and gone!  We are constantly laid on the altar, but the sacrifice is never through burning!  We are to be living sacrifices… unto the Lord.

 

Corrie Ten Boom said: “You see, a potter can only mold the clay when it lies completely in his hand.  It requires complete surrender.  God sanctifies what has been surrendered and committed to Him.  And when you surrender, God will purify what He takes, and He will empty before He purifies.  And then He will fill what He has emptied, and what He has filled, He will use.  It means you are living out the Jesus Christ living in you.” 

 

May we leave the fire burning on the altar today and tomorrow and forever, and lay ourselves at every moment down upon that altar, so that God may purify us completely and burn away everything that is not Jesus.

Reflections on our Third Wedding Anniversary

It’s still funny that three years ago, Patrick and I gave our independence away to each other, the day after Independence Day. 

 

We never have fought over any of the petty little things so many people give advice about to engaged couples:  “Don’t worry about the clothes on the floor. Just pick them up.  Don’t get hung up on the little things like how he folds the shirts, or forgets to turn off something, or never closes something.  Don’t stress over misplaced toothpaste….etc, etc, etc.”   I remember the first and last time we were actually tempted to get annoyed over dumb toothpaste, in our first apartment.  One of us just squeezed toothpaste all over the other person’s face, and that began a messy toothpaste war that left us laughing like little kids.

 

So Patrick and I just happened to be, luckily, great roommates.  What I didn’t see coming was the real stuff that would attack our marriage… the stuff I wish more people would speak about at wedding showers.  Serious health issues, death in the family, huge decisions, hard decisions, having no money, battling depression, sifting through old family baggage, touring in a van with 4 other people, and dealing with plain old ugly sin.  I’ll never forget the conversation we had as 6 month newlyweds, sitting in a coffee shop with tears streaming down both of our faces, discussing the worst potential diagnosis for Patrick’s neurological issues, and how we would handle it.

 

 Yesterday, someone I love and respect said, “Nothing requires more faith, than the faith to believe you are not defeated when it seems that you are.” 

 

I never thought I’d say three years into marriage that we’ve needed that kind of faith to make it, but we have.  I’d be a liar to reduce our trials to toothpaste.   We’ve stared defeat in the face a few times. 

 

 But the Enemy, who hates marriage and all that it represents and displays in the world, WILL NOT WIN.  Oh, he will shout so loud, “You are defeated!! Your marriage is over!!  Just give up now!!!”  But, guess what our victory is?  1 John 5: “Our victory that overcomes is …FAITH!!!” We must have faith in the God who instigated marriage for His GLORY, and in the God who will sustain it and glorify Himself through it even when Satan unleashes great attacks.   As my friend also said yesterday, “Marriage is OF God and FOR God.  He is fighting for it.”

 

 So, here’s where I am now.  And if you know Jesus, you’re here with me.  I am more in love with Jesus today than three years ago.  That’s just the way it works with the Holy Spirit.  I am crucifying sin and laying down some rights that belonged at the foot of the Cross a long time ago.  I am setting my sights on heaven as the day of Jesus’ return draws near.  I am finding my sufficiency in Jesus more and more, which frees Patrick up to be a human husband, rather than trying to be All-Sufficient for me.  Patrick and I will always be imperfect.  Bring on imperfection.  I am never turning back.  Bring on the sickness.  I am never giving up.  Bring on the attacks.  I am walking by faith.  With the Lord, marriage is just getting better and better. 

 

 I daydream about Patrick all the time because after all, he is the perfect match for me.  I can’t ever wait to get time alone with him.  I am falling more in love with his tender heart as he discloses more of it to me.  He’s my hiking buddy, my dance partner, my musical teammate, my creative inspiration, my idea bouncer-off-er, my fellow dreamer, my encourager and biggest fan, my gardening cohort, my taste-tester, my secret keeper, my discussion and debate partner, my accountability, my gentle leader, my Christ-following companion.  He understands me and takes care of me and even reminds me to brush my teeth sometimes when I forget.  He knows when I need quiet and space but he also can sense when I need a hug and to talk.    My life is so rich and full and exciting with him. 

 

 Funny that I began writing about the tough stuff of marriage, and wound up concluding with the truth of my love for Patrick.  But that’s how it is, isn’t it?  With God, beauty is born of ashes, joy comes through suffering, purity is wrought in the fire….He takes our filthy rags and makes them sacred offerings.  This can be everyone’s song, in marriage or just in life.  I love this song, and I will sing it as long as I live.